Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down

Like a bird cooped in a cage

Stuck Like A Bird In A Cage

Being let down, getting upset, feeling disappointed… That’s just a few of the feelings we get when we don’t get what we expect. Do you feel this way often? Or does your partner react this way often when you come up with something unexpected? But there is a way to ease this.

I met a mother and her daughter over the weekend. They were there for weight loss. In hypnotherapy, we help our clients by working on their weight loss motivation, their beliefs and their food intake. We do not physically help them to lose weight, they do it themselves. So back to the mum and her daughter. They were an odd pair. Mum came in with her arms crossed, looking very wary. She didn’t ask much about the therapy but each time her daughter talked, she would look really upset. Her mum says that her daughter has 30 excessive pounds and has been all her life. It’s time to lose that weight.

Her daughter has been having a hard time losing weight. She trains in sports daily, her meals consist of multigrain cereal for breakfast, two sticks of carrots + homemade hommus + 10 almonds & 4 grapes for lunch, Steamed vegetables and 1 meat for dinner. Her other eating habits include snacking on multigrain cereal and eating fruits. She went for and intensive summer training camp where people normally lose up to at least 8 – 10 pounds of weight but all she lost was 1.5 pounds. Isn’t it strange? This girl is eating healthily, trains daily and has all the motivation to lose weight but she isn’t.

Hypnotherapy was not for her. I politely explained my reasons to her and if anything, the only thing that I would really like to help is her confidence and self-esteem. Her mum however didn’t take it that well. She felt that their purpose here was weight loss and “clearly she’s too fat” and hypnotherapy should be able to help her. The only problem that girl has is her mum. Her mum, even though with good intentions in mind, is laying on too many expectations to the poor girl.

Its not uncommon for expectations to be laid on the ones you love. You only want the best for them. But sometimes your expectations will form an invisible cage around your love ones and all they end up feeling is unloved, lonely and restricted. Expectations is the number 1 killer for teenage suicide. You don’t have to state your expectations clearly to leave expectations on your loved ones. Its not what you say, its what you do and how you react. Critical comments are normally the culprit.

Fly away Sadness

I believe I can Fly

So before you want to expect the best out of your loved one, learn to expect the unexpected first. Avoid criticism and use more encouragement. Accept people for who they are an encourage them to challenge their own boundaries. Try it. It’s like giving your loved ones a pair of wings.


2 responses to “Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down

  1. dear tk.

    Your notes just came in right moment after a “big section” with Nathan as i found out he was lying to avoid exam. He has so much excuse and yet i know every sentences out of his mouth were meaningless. I ended up behaving like a”normal mum” , letting my expression shownfreely i.e. disappointment, failure, anger.
    Honestly, this is the moment when i realised my son is going into his teenage years before i notice it. What is your advise now?
    He is smart but lazy. He has chosen lying to get away from many things yet knowing too well the consequence of the lie.
    Help, brother!

    • Hello linnie!

      Ok, just as the principle in NLP is that every reaction has a positive intention to it. He lies for a positive intention for himself. Now that he has faced your anger haha, its still OK! Don’t worry.

      If you can find another time to talk to him, talk about other topics first, then gently bring in the topic of exams. You can start by saying that when you were younger, you didn’t really like exams etc or any thing that is similar to what he is feeling towards exams so that he feels like you kind of understand. Then ask him how does he really feel towards exams, does he feel that its a waste of time? Is he scared for it? The important thing is that you have to agree with anything he replies you with because that is how he feels and we have no place to doubt him on that.

      After getting him to express his feelings towards exams, there are a few steps that you can take appropriate action to encourage him. Different feelings will need different approaches. Generally most kids don’t like exams because:

      1) It is a boring and tiring process to study for exams
      2) They do not see a need to score well for the exam
      3) There is no clear goal to why exams are needed in life.

      This can all be solved by having ambition. You will have to encourage him to dream big and skillfully fit the exam in to the path of achieving his dream

      I hope this helps!


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