Being let down, getting upset, feeling disappointed… That’s just a few of the feelings we get when we don’t get what we expect. Do you feel this way often? Or does your partner react this way often when you come up with something unexpected? But there is a way to ease this.
I met a mother and her daughter over the weekend. They were there for weight loss. In hypnotherapy, we help our clients by working on their weight loss motivation, their beliefs and their food intake. We do not physically help them to lose weight, they do it themselves. So back to the mum and her daughter. They were an odd pair. Mum came in with her arms crossed, looking very wary. She didn’t ask much about the therapy but each time her daughter talked, she would look really upset. Her mum says that her daughter has 30 excessive pounds and has been all her life. It’s time to lose that weight.
Her daughter has been having a hard time losing weight. She trains in sports daily, her meals consist of multigrain cereal for breakfast, two sticks of carrots + homemade hommus + 10 almonds & 4 grapes for lunch, Steamed vegetables and 1 meat for dinner. Her other eating habits include snacking on multigrain cereal and eating fruits. She went for and intensive summer training camp where people normally lose up to at least 8 – 10 pounds of weight but all she lost was 1.5 pounds. Isn’t it strange? This girl is eating healthily, trains daily and has all the motivation to lose weight but she isn’t.
Hypnotherapy was not for her. I politely explained my reasons to her and if anything, the only thing that I would really like to help is her confidence and self-esteem. Her mum however didn’t take it that well. She felt that their purpose here was weight loss and “clearly she’s too fat” and hypnotherapy should be able to help her. The only problem that girl has is her mum. Her mum, even though with good intentions in mind, is laying on too many expectations to the poor girl.
Its not uncommon for expectations to be laid on the ones you love. You only want the best for them. But sometimes your expectations will form an invisible cage around your love ones and all they end up feeling is unloved, lonely and restricted. Expectations is the number 1 killer for teenage suicide. You don’t have to state your expectations clearly to leave expectations on your loved ones. Its not what you say, its what you do and how you react. Critical comments are normally the culprit.
So before you want to expect the best out of your loved one, learn to expect the unexpected first. Avoid criticism and use more encouragement. Accept people for who they are an encourage them to challenge their own boundaries. Try it. It’s like giving your loved ones a pair of wings.