The Real Experts Talk

This is a repost from The New York Times. Its a really great article summarizing the findings based on research about aging. It covers many broad topics like aging, marriage, parenting, regrets and happiness and gives nougats of advice that are really simple to follow. Great article coming up:

By Jane E Brody

At 17, I wrote a speech titled, “When You Come to the End of Your Days, Will You Be Able to Write Your Own Epitaph?” It reflected the approach to life I adopted after my mother’s untimely death from cancer at age 49. I chose to live each day as if it could be my last — but with a watchful eye on the future in case it wasn’t.

My goal was, and still is, to die without regrets.

Too Many Cooks Spoil The Soup

This story applies to every thing you do especially when it involves your loved ones. You do your best for them but you never understood why they have never appreciated your efforts. If you have experienced this in the past, this story is for you:

Last time, I told daddy that I wanted to learn how to play tennis. Daddy was delighted! He sent me to learn with a friend of his who teaches people how to hit those fuzzy green balls.

The Cruel Ways of Expectation

Hypnosis for Children

Hypnotherapy in Singapore has made the news! Last monday, an article about hypnosis was published on our local paper. After the article was published, there were an increased number of appointments over the past week. Although the article did end with a cautionary note from a psychiatrist who didn’t know much about hypnosis, it is still a good read. There is one problem though, when parents send their children to see us hypnotherapists, sometimes, the problems do not lie solely with the children.

I Smile Because I Want To See You Smile!

I Smile So You Smile!

A smile can brighten your day; A smile can make problems go away; A smile is the easiest way to look better; Your smile can make YOU feel better any day.

Is it Hard to Hypnotize Children?

I’m the principal hypnotherapist in Hypnae Center to provide therapy for children and I work in many areas such as bed wetting, phobias, academic improvement, ADHD etc. I have been asked on a number of occasions if it is hard to hypnotize them. It is not. From my experience, I find that hypnotizing children is so much simpler than adults and here’s why:

1. They are EXTREMELY imaginative
2. Give them something interesting to focus on and you have them locked
3. They live in a world of Magic
4. Entering the state of Hypnosis is as easy as closing their eyes
5. They will absolutely follow your instructions when you bring yourself to their level.

For the budding therapist, do give it a try, and you will be amazed at how efficient hypnotherapy can be for children and how much fun you will have!

The Importance of Communication in the Home

Sometime in February a girl ran away from home (. The news hit the local papers but i lost the clipping, much apologies). When shown the article to parents and people, comments such as these were heard: she’s dumb; Why will a girl want to run away from a normal life; What a stupid girl!

When the parents who read the article were asked about their family, they proudly proclaim: My child will never do this! It’s impossible for my child to do this! And yes it is rather hard for a child to actually run away.

The obstacles are just too many, food, shelter, water and most important of all money. Mind you running away is not an easy thing to do. You will need a large enough stimulus to actually make s child take that drastic an action. I found this on Yahoo:

i’m 11 years old and i’m in middle school. My life is horrible for many reasons like my grandpa died, my whole school makes fun of me all the time (they call me emo), and my family doesnt treat me right. i’ve had many suicde thoughts and have tried to kill myself only once. Should i run away? i dont know what to do and i dont want to tell my parents because they just dont understand… What should i do?

So when the child runs away, is the child at fault or is the parent? It’s very easy to lay the blame to a child who cannot comment for herself.  It’s always easier to push the blame to someone else than to look long and hard at the mirror. It has always seemed the case: if the child is misbehaving, it’s because he’s naughty.  When will parents themselves see that they are part of this problem or rather the root of it?

Think long and hard mum and dads.. This is something for you to read.

The Last Lecture

I like what he says. Its strange how this messages only strike us so much more when the speakers are nearing the end of their lives. Kinda like Tuesday’s with Morrie.

Bump!

Dear Mum/Dad

The following is something my little client, aged 13, showed me during one of our sessions. The English had been improved on and edited by me but the crux of it is still there. Something to share 🙂

“Dear Mum/Dad,

I love you, really, but sometimes I’m not sure if you do love me in kind.

I know you do love me and want the best for me, but breathing down my neck and wanting to micro-manage my life won’t get my or your life anywhere. Whenever I come with an idea or an opinion, more often than not it will be met with a remark that neither acknowledges what I say or show the slightest encouragement, and if I’m lucky, I might get sarcasm. It does make me want to wringe your neck.

Whenever I do or learn something new, you have this uncanny ability to belittle me every time. I sometimes wish I can just stomp on you when you do that.

When we talk, you tend to bring up your friend’s children and my cousins, and tell me how much of a better student or kid they are. I suspect you are trying to drive some learning point into me but I feel like putting myself up for adoption. Do I tell you how good my classmates parents are?

You provide me with all the things I need, a roof to sleep under, a nice bed, education and clothes; I’m very grateful for that. But it’s not just not that; I need to know that I am loved not through these, but from the way you behave and talk and listen to me.

I try to point out some of these to you, but the irony is, you say you do all these for the love of me. Can you blame me for feeling the way I do? (I think you probably will).”

*I can relate to what my client feels. Parents tend to mean well but they just can’t express themselves well. They might wanna try this out. The site is very plain, but the content of it speaks for itself. Parents, lets try a little change (:

Bump!

That extra Bump for the little ones

What kind of personality does your child have? When he/she meets new people, does he/she smile to the stranger or hide behind you? In a broader sense, they tend to fall into either an extrovert or an introvert. How will this affect their lives in the future?

There are personality theories that believe that the personality of a child is more or less set in his younger years and that they will retain the major components of it all the way into adulthood. The Chinese believe that “at the age of 3 the character is set”. However, no matter if they are extroverts or introverts, they share a similarity; having self-confidence. Self-confidence brings children places. Who said introverts do not have self confidence? Let me name a few famous introverts: Abraham Lincoln, David Letterman, Sir Alfred Hitchcock. What about extroverts? Well, there are simply too many to name but it does not mean that being an extrovert equates to a higher chance of being famous. It is just that extroverts tend to like to put themselves into the limelight , therefore they get recognized more easily. Introverts tend to be recognized for the acute talent.

Having self-confidence is not something a child can pick up by himself. The environment and every thing they come into contact with help to shape their level of self-confidence. Every statement uttered to them leaves an imprint on them. Some parents tend to make the mistake of passing remarks that will hurt a child’s ego like, “you will never make it”. They do not know how much mental damage has been done on the children. It’s like a bomb dropped onto the child’s mental mindset, it will leave a crater.

A word of advice dear parents, being positive is tough especially when you are angry, but your words will go a long way. If a child commits a mistake, instead of saying, “You’re so stupid!” Try what theater director Joan Littlewood said, “If we don’t get lost, we’ll never find a new route.” The effect will be very significant in your child.

Positive thinking is a habit that will definitely boost the amount of self-confidence in children. It has been shown that children who tend to smile and feel good do better in their studies and have better social relationships. Being positive to your child also opens up the channels for your child to talk to you. He will not be afraid to voice his opinions and he will be more than happy to engage in a healthy debate with you. Can you imagine how much children keep to themselves when their parents lash at them when ever they mention something out of line? I would know, my parents were like that and it hurt. For those that grew up in a more amiable environment, please applaud your parents for their patience and learn from them. It was tough for them.

Well, lets give our little ones a chance to reach for the skies, smile!