Tag Archives: Moving on

John Grisham The Plumber

ImageDo you know John Grisham? He’s the author who stole many hours of our lives as we immersed ourselves into the worlds he created with his pen. We know of his writings, but do we know how they came about? I chanced upon this article while I was preparing for a program. If your life has taken many interesting ups and downs, you may find this article soothing. Every wrong turn may turn out to be the right one.

Originally published in the New York Times on the 5th of September 2010, written by John Grisham: Continue reading

A New Scoop Of Ice Cream: Crossroads

Life seems to always be full of crossroads and we are always made to choose. Have you ever thought “Maybe the other way would have been better”? I have crafted this story for you. Enjoy
A woman hiking aimlessly entered a narrow valley between two steep mountains. The mountain face was smooth and dark. Little vegetation grew where she walked. As she stands between the steep valley walls, she walks along the only path presented to her. She comes upon a fork in the road, both paths leading round a treacherous looking mountain. Continue reading

Closing Cycles

Taken from Paulo Coehlo's Blog

This was from Paulo Coehlo’s blog on the last day of 2010. Hope you like it!

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Continue reading

Failure? That’s that pretty lady’s name!


Center Yourself

Center Yourself or Lose Yourself


The day before, I met a familiar friend. She has guided me thus far and today she gave me more lessons on how to do things better. You could have met her before. Her name is Failure. Continue reading

My book is finally out!

New Release



Its A Bowl Full of Ice Cream!


Continue reading

I Bid You Good Night/Good Day


Will sleeping in really help you become a more successful person?

Sleeping late and Waking Up late is better for you! Or is it?


Are you a lark or an owl? Personally I’m an owl and I rejoiced when I came across this article that describes how owls do better than larks. Continue reading

Don’t Work. Be Hated. Love Someone

*I didn’t write any of this…took it from my friend’s blog. It’s amazingly sharp. Please read till the end!

Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.
You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

How To Train Your Dra….Human!

Have you watched How To Train A Dragon? If you haven’t you should! It’s Dreamwork’s latest masterpiece. The focus of the movie isn’t so much on training the Dragon but more on the conflict within him: To be the axe swinging viking or to be the tinkerer that he enjoys being…

Another theme addressed by the movie is that Change. Would a change in the way of doing things affect the vikings? Or would they rather perish with tradition and the way-things-were-and-always-will-be done gripped firmly in their hands?

So just like Hiccup in the movie who trained dragons, lets take those principles that worked on Toothless the dragon and see if they work on humans:

The first step to interacting with Toothless was to feed him fish.

Upon first contact with your human, ensure that your human is some what hungry and try to look out for clues for his/her favorite food. While feeding your human, he/she might want to share the food with you. Gladly accept it even if you don’t really like it.

Step 2, Getting the dragon’s attention and bridging that bond.

After feeding your human, your human might still be wary of you.  Persevere. and as much as you can, try and get the human to allow you to rest your palm on his /her forehead; figuratively of course. Gain that trust by taking the first step.

Step 3, Hiccup used grass to comfort the nerves of the wild dragons.

Find your human’s favorite creature comfort. I believe for some humans, taking a wad of cash and pressing it near them can calm them down very much. If not, observe your human and see what makes him/her go soft in the knees and behave like a kitten in a feather bed or a pig in the mud.

Step 4, Hiccup found the soft spot of the dragons, located under their chin.

This is a tricky step. Finding that soft spot that you can physically manipulate on your human would be hard. Scratching them behind their ears won’t work, it could lend you in jail too! Well good luck on this.

Step 5, Hoping onto the dragons and riding them.

Well…you can’t do this on your human, it’s wrong in some sense. I guess this would be the part where you and your human have built a strong trust for each other.

To sum it all the steps in 2 words, “Be nice!” Smile more to people, respect their opinions, and share more with what you have. Before you know it, your human will be well trained!

The Importance of Communication in the Home

Sometime in February a girl ran away from home (. The news hit the local papers but i lost the clipping, much apologies). When shown the article to parents and people, comments such as these were heard: she’s dumb; Why will a girl want to run away from a normal life; What a stupid girl!

When the parents who read the article were asked about their family, they proudly proclaim: My child will never do this! It’s impossible for my child to do this! And yes it is rather hard for a child to actually run away.

The obstacles are just too many, food, shelter, water and most important of all money. Mind you running away is not an easy thing to do. You will need a large enough stimulus to actually make s child take that drastic an action. I found this on Yahoo:

i’m 11 years old and i’m in middle school. My life is horrible for many reasons like my grandpa died, my whole school makes fun of me all the time (they call me emo), and my family doesnt treat me right. i’ve had many suicde thoughts and have tried to kill myself only once. Should i run away? i dont know what to do and i dont want to tell my parents because they just dont understand… What should i do?

So when the child runs away, is the child at fault or is the parent? It’s very easy to lay the blame to a child who cannot comment for herself.  It’s always easier to push the blame to someone else than to look long and hard at the mirror. It has always seemed the case: if the child is misbehaving, it’s because he’s naughty.  When will parents themselves see that they are part of this problem or rather the root of it?

Think long and hard mum and dads.. This is something for you to read.

Hugging Durians

In light of recent encounters with clients, friends and relatives, I noticed something that every one of us tend to do at times. We like to hug durians; hug them close against our bare flesh.

I think it’s because we humans all have a love for drama Continue reading